Written by Michael N.Michael (NSASA Info Commissioner)
1. A doofus invites you to drop your number on Facebook so as to be
added to a useless pornographic group on WhatsApp, and you quickly
oblige because you are so obsessed with nudity. Those demons that want
to destroy your life must be from your home town. Trash those
pornographic contents and they'll disengage you for good!2. Your parents sent you to school to put your future in perspective and all you can do is to become a cultist, indulge in criminal activities and even compel management to seal up Annex Small Gate. You prefer to convene at night at the ravine so as not to be apprehended by the Police. You definitely need two things: a) Dr. Iguedo Gboko Cleanser to help deterge your contaminated system b) The blood of Jesus to deliver your soul from the yoke of bondage!
3. You use your School fees to play Nairabet, and divert your pocket money to give your squeeze a treat at 'Mummy J', only to claim being bankrupt when we ask you to pay Faculty and Departmental Dues. In case you've forgotten, heaven is recording every detail of your life on campus!
4. You call yourself a campus fellowship member or executive. Yet you still welter in besetting sin and feel no remorse whatsoever for your promiscuity. You sleep and wake with exam malpractice, shower with homosexuality/lesbianism, feed with fornication, attend lectures with pornography, and have daily fellowship with masturbation. Your hypocrisy is no longer news to the University community. Repent ye and be converted!
5. You are always quick to affirm the maxim that youths are the leaders of tomorrow; yet you go from place to place-hostel, cafeteria, library and night class...picking people's phones and frustrating fellow Nigerian students. You take pleasure in skipping classes so that you'll look for whose note to steal just a few weeks to exams. If na so you wan take become leader of tomorrow, I pity your unborn children!
6. The guy you're dating does not have any clear-cut future ambition. Worse still, He's not even on the verge of graduating, let alone going for NYSC or even getting a job. Yet you've allowed him turn you into a sex machine with the false hope that he'll marry you. If I were not going to offend you, I'd love to ask you one simple question "what really makes you different from a schizophrenic?"
7. You brag about your status as an undergraduate, yet you don't have an active email account. You don't even have an idea how to access the School free hotspot. You don't read books outside your academic discipline, let alone to patronize Nigerian Newspaper vendors. You've hardly attended any public lecture, life empowerment training, seminar, workshop, or taken any short course to broaden your horizon. If anybody has told you 'you'll go far in life' that person must be Lai Muhammed!
8. You're a female student, and you're going to a lecturer's office to shine your teeth with suggestive dresses that exposes your cleavages and other sensitive parts of your body. Why won't he fail you in a course and ask you to show him love?
9. You are already in your finals, yet you lack productivity or technical skills. Your college game plan has been to pass exams, get good grades and nothing more. You have failed to realize that you're in Nigeria where millions of graduates are greeted with stern unemployment and frustration. You might as well add to the growing population of 'unemployable graduates' until you come to terms with prevailing realities!
10. You know too well that your spoken and written English is punk. Yet you want to make input in every radio show or comment on every Facebook post, so as to keep on bringing shame and disgrace to our institution. I no blame you. I blame your Faculty Officer that has refused to sign your expulsion letter!
11. Your parents have delayed to send you money, you broadcast it on Facebook. A guy takes you out to Apples, you post it on Facebook. You're eating Chinese bread for the first time, you take nonsense selfies and upload on Facebook. Every major activity you undertake is reflected on Facebook. I wish you'll also publish your poor CGPA on Facebook for the world to see how pitiable your life is.
12. You parade yourself as a University undergraduate, yet you don't know how to write a simple press briefing. You have no idea how to prepare a professional CV or draft a business letter. You spell 'conquered' as 'concard' 'happening' as 'hapinin' and 'convocation' as 'convctn'. You confuse 'this' for 'these', 'there' for 'their', 'where' for 'were', and 'lost' for 'loss'. In fact, I want to advise that you suspend your studies and go back to Nursery School!
13. You had a well-defined complexion when you left home for School, but as at today, your face is 'white', your neck is 'chocolate', while your armpit and other parts of your body is 'black'. You're not even ashamed to announce to the world on radio, that you're looking for a serious relationship. Don't worry, my five-year old nephew will help you look for a serious relationship when he gets into college in 2027.
Michael N.Michael is a Commonsense Advocate and writes from the Department of Sociology and Anthropology, Uniuyo
